Last night I went to a big singles’ dance. I am currently on a quest to meet the Love of My Life, but right now I don’t want to talk about the men I met there.

I want to talk about the women.

I’ve been to my fair share of singles’ dances by now, and I want to share with you the women I met last night who show the best and worst of attitudes when it comes to meeting men.

First rule: it’s supposed to be FUN dammit

Two girls, about 24, came in full ironic princess dresses. I met them as they were sprawled on the floor near the entrance, exchanging shoes. As I talked to them about the fact that they were the same shoe size, they laughed about really taking the event title “singles’ ball” seriously so they were there to find Prince Charming. Again, they were joking, but having such a good time I had to love these two. I pointed out a few distinguished gentlemen in tuxedos across the dance floor. In a giggling mess of chiffon, they were off to meet them.

Second rule: practice 

I was there with dating coach Annie Gleason, helping at her table to drum up some new business. It was like old times. About halfway through the evening she introduced me to Alison, a current client of hers. Seems Alison was having a bit of anxiety getting herself out toward the dance floor, and Annie asked me if I wouldn’t mind showing her what I do.

Absolutely. I come from a long line of teachers and I love to pass along whatever I know, so this is fun for me.

I brought her to the edge of the dance floor.

It was a hot, dark, sweaty sea of people moving to the thump to Prince’s “Little Red Corvette.” Men were practicing the side-to-side two-step, making sure to bite their lower lips. Some appeared to have no idea what to do with their arms as they flailed them about in adorable improvisation. Some women out there were dressed to kill, eight-inch heels and all, swirling and twirling with such stern determination that I worried that Alison might be impaled out there.

“So here’s the thing,” I said. “If you want to get asked to dance, you need to NOT be talking to me. A lot of men find it hard to break into women talking together.”

We I did a quick high-five and move a few feet away from each other. She started smiling at men passing by, bouncing to the beat. Within seconds, she’s whisked away to the floor as the DJ moved into some disco grooves.

And another rule: for god’s sake try to look friendly

That’s when I took a tour of the room. It was now at capacity. The beer and wine had been flowing for about two hours, and people were loosened up.

Well, not all of them.

One table was a black hole of sequins and perfect hair. Seven ( I counted: seven) women were seated at the table, shoulders hunched, talking urgently amongst themselves. These were some beautiful people. I made mental notes on hairstyle and stunning gown choices, and I drew closer. Two of them glanced up at two guys approaching their table, made tiny frown faces, and then back at their friends.

I actually don’t know what happened to these folks. By then Annie had put in a full night and she needed to pack up and head out. But I could almost hear these same women complain all the way home about the evening being a bust.

Back to rule number one

Annie taught me something a long time ago; men are terrified of women who don’t look friendly. And we women, in public situations, often fear for our safety and are just as terrified of strange men. It’s actually a survival skill.

But this was a singles’ dance. You paid money to be there. It’s just one night. If a guy asked you to dance, you are not required to marry him.

Are you also terrified? There are simple steps you can follow when you get out on that dance floor. Thank you for a lovely evening, Annie!