… So there I am. It’s Speed Dating night for me. I am early, and I have been spotted by a man named Toby. I went out with a few times last year,  but I felt no spark so I ended it.

Now we are in polite conversation where we ask how the other is doing, and he has made the correct assumption that I am at a singles’ event looking for someone to date.

Annie Gleason, dating coach, comes to the rescue. Not literally  (I don’t need THAT much hand-holding ((although I did go to a singles’ dance with Annie once where she watched me mingling and gave me tips from the sidelines; but that’s another story))).

What do I say?

As I make a mad search of my mental notes from Annie on how to get out of this one, I also keep in mind that at some point this evening he is going to sit at my table and have five minutes of my time, just like every other guy there that evening.

“Yes, I got out of a relationship a while back and feel ready to start dating,” I say.

“Oh,” he says. “I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out.” He seems sincere.

It feels like he wants to say more. I’m sipping my vodka tonic and looking around. My feet are facing ever-so-slightly away from him. I am giving him classic body language. He persists.

“How’s your job going?”

This is where another woman enters our awkward two-some.

“Hello!” Her name is Sita. She barges into our twosome all smiles, energetic, and seems to know Toby.

I love Sita.

Sita not only saves my ass at this moment, but she is bright, pretty as all get-out, and proceeds to dominate the conversation. I learn that she and Toby met at a previous speed-date event, and did not choose each other. She works in television in San Jose, she loves her life, loves to travel, fancies herself a singer with self-published CDs, enjoys dancing …

DING!

It’s time for the girls to take their places at their individual tables, and for the guys to start roaming from one to the next.

And so begins the short, sometimes awkward conversations with 11 men of all stripes and shapes. We are in the middle of a very warm-weather spell, so I find  my opener: “Such a beautiful weekend we’re having; what did you do with your Saturday?”

I am crafty. I use this question to find out a) if the guy’s short term memory works, b) what they choose to do on a random Saturday c) if any of what they describe sounds like something I might want to join them on in the near future.

So far so good. One guy describes golfing. Another worked on his car. Yet another gives me a very long, long laundry list of shopping, dry cleaners, gas station, dog walk, shower, checking his email, and turn by turn saga of his uneventful drive to the event this evening …

My favorite guy so far tonight is so nervous when I ask the question that his mind goes blank. I can see the panic set in. It’s so cute that I can’t help but make up a Saturday for him – sending him on a hot-air balloon ride, a swing around a NASCAR track, and a chance encounter with Jack Nicholson. He likes my ramble and joins along in the gag, adding that he also finished inventing a way to save global climate change with just a bobby pin. As he leaves, I circle YES on the little Speed-Dating scorecard.

Heere’s … Toby!

The time has come. Toby ambles over to my table, smiling in a shy way. He sits down.

“We gotta stop meeting like this ..,” he says.

Oh dear. I glance over at Sita’s table. She’s filling a gentleman in on Everything Sita.

I laugh at his (genuinely cute) remark and look him in the eye.

“Toby you are so sweet. It’s nice that we met up again tonight, and I’m truly enjoying talking with you. But I felt last year that we weren’t a match, and that hasn’t changed.”

“But we’re having such a good time..,” says he.

“Agreed.”

“So why don’t we grab a cup of coffee sometime, see where it goes?”

Ugh. He is so nice. But there were no sparks for me last year, and my general discomfort with his persistence is setting in.

Annie, help!

Okay, now I remember: Be persistent back.

“Toby, I appreciate your interest in us getting together, but we’re not a match. It’s been nice seeing you. I really hope you’ve met a few women tonight that you’re interested in. I’ve met a few men. I really wish you the best of luck.”

Toby takes it like a gentleman. I turn our conversation to Sita, and we now have plenty to say for the next four minutes.

Dating 101 for the rest of you all, but …

I cannot begin to tell you how important moments like this are for me.

Long ago, in this same exact situation I probably would’ve acquiesced and gone on the date with Toby. And hated myself for it. Which in turn would’ve made me not as relaxed or friendly — or worse — resort to ordering that third glass of wine and, well, you know.

But now I am a changed Dating Woman. With Annie’s help, I have not only overcome my shyness at early dating, but have gained tools for sticking to my guns without having to rely on lying, ghosting, or giving in because only because the guy likes me.

So, life is good. On this day, anyway.

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Next up: A chef on an airplane and a geek in the airport security line.